I spend way too much time online, most of it on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ or LinkedIn. While you may not spend the hours online as I do, admit it, you are online a lot. My question to you is a simple one:

How well do you really know your virtual connections?

We love our time in this fast-paced world of sharing personal updates, news, opinions and general silly banter, but do we allow the keyboard and screen to depersonalize the experience and create a false sense of intimacy? It feels like we know these people, but do we? (Spoiler alert: The answer is No.)

While there will be always be an ongoing debate about which metrics (number of followers, fans, clicks) are most important when calculating social media ROI (return on investment), I wonder if there is a downside to being a metric-holic. In our quest to connect with more people, stay abreast of new online tools, drive traffic to our websites or defend an opinion, it is all too easy to lose our way. Has become increasingly difficult to remember that there are real people on the other end of our online posts? These real people have real feelings, real families, real problems and real lives. They are not simply numbers.

With most of the essence of communication being non-verbal and only a small percentage about the actual words, we lose the context and nuance of the words when all we get is words. Without body language, facial expression, or tone of voice, misunderstandings are all too frequent. It’s just too hard to understand how my message resonates with you or what you meant when you posted that last update. The result is that, for many, the default behavior is to focus on what I have to say and not on how it might impact you. It’s easier to focus on something I know than on something I have no way of knowing. Still, isn’t it worth a try?

These questions have been rattling around in my mind for the last couple of months, but yesterday’s terribly tragic suicide of well-respected social media expert, Trey Pennington, brought them to the forefront. I only knew Trey virtually, but the pain of those who knew him well is palpable. He had been suffering from depression, something which not all of his friends knew. This, too, begs the question – How well do we know each other and are we a different version of ourselves online and off?

This led me to wonder if it is realistically possible to strengthen our connections, making them more meaningful and authentic. Obviously, there are no easy answers, but we can only start at the beginning by making some commitments to our virtual friends. With that in mind, here are three metrics no social analytics tool will measure when calculating ROI, but which I suggest are pretty damn important. (Yes, I used a curse word. I’m pretty sure we’ll all survive.) It’s time for us to stop taking these connections so lightly and focus more intentionally on each other.

Respect

Is it my imagination or are people more willing to publicly harass and insult others than ever before? I see bloggers calling out other bloggers for unsavory practices. I see people with strong political views arguing the finer points of the problems with the U.S. economy. I see people bullying others for no apparent reason (even boasting about how much fun it is). Healthy disagreements can be both interesting and productive, as long as we remember to respect the person, disagree with their perspective. When these exchanges degrade to the point that they include name-calling, bullying and labeling others, that’s where it crosses the line for me.

Sure, we think we’re right and therefore permitted to make sure everyone knows it. Tell me – who doesn’t think they’re right? What about being smarter, savvier or more right than the other person compels us to overlook the impact our words may be having on someone else?

Consider:

• When you disagree, do you consider whether it’s possible that you’ve misinterpreted the message or intent?
• Do you contact the person privately to see more information?
• If you feel they’ve made a mistake and there is a lesson to be learned, do you share their content publicly without having hidden their identity?
• Is it worth your time to be mindful of respecting others online?

Listening

When we’re online, are we listening? Not the sentiment analysis kind of listening, but the real kind of listening? When we notice that someone has been uncharacteristically silent or frustrated, do we let it pass or do we take it upon ourselves to get in touch directly to see if we might be able to help? Yeah, I know it might be awkward and chances are good that someone else will probably notice, right? And, it’s not like they were asking for someone to notice them – or were they?

Consider:

• Is it possible that you may get a different response to a public “Are you ok?” than a private message?
• Are you able to set aside your own agenda and be open to offering support free from judgement?
• Are you really too busy to listen?
• Are you willing to be that someone else who takes the time to say, “I hear you?”
• Is it worth your time to be a more active listener online?

Hugs

I love hugs. They are a precious, brief moment in time when two people connect, literally or figuratively. Hugs can mean, “I support and care about you,” “I’m sorry,” or “I’m ridiculously happy to see you.” Hugs can mean different things to different people and come in many forms – a comforting embrace, coffee with a friend or a phone call from a loved one. The best thing about them is that they’re shared on a one-to-one basis. In the social media world, we’re always looking for ways to scale communication on a one-to-many basis. For those of you with huge networks of friends, you’re out of luck because hugs don’t scale. And that’s exactly why they are so special.

I’m pretty sure there must be a government-sponsored study around somewhere which validates the health benefits of hugs, but I’ll go out on a limb and just declare that they’re good for us. Whether given or received, you can’t be on the wrong end of a well-intended hug.

Consider:

• Is there someone you know who could use a hug?
• Should we wait until we sense that something is wrong to let someone know we’re thinking of them?
• Why isn’t now the right time?
• Are there times when being willing to ask for a hug is as important as giving one?
• Is it worth your time to share a hug with someone you care about?

Related articles which may interest you:

• Facebook Friend Requests: Accept or Ignore?
• Twitter Etiquette: Outside Voices, Inside Voices and Whispers
• How Facebook Hurt My Feelings
• Just Because We’re Social Networking “Friends” Doesn’t Mean I’ll Go To 3rd Base With You
• Social Networking Friends vs. Real Life Friends

While I’m loving what I see so far on Google+, I’m nowhere near prepared to move and vacate my other social networking accounts. This is not the same as when a new version of a product we’re already using is launched. If I’m an iPhone user and a newer iPhone model comes out, sure, I’ll jump in and buy it, knowing there is no need to keep using both. It would be redundant.

This is not the case with Google+. While some may argue that there are some features which are very similar those on Facebook or Twitter, it is not a straight-across apples to apples comparison. The tools are different, each with its own advantages and disadvantages. Plus, even if I had a strong preference for one over another, suddenly moving my social presence would really be all about me, rather than respecting where and how my community is most comfortable engaging. If such a move doesn’t make sense for my business community, as well as my friends and family, it doesn’t make sense for me.

Why is it, then, that people want to rush in and declare something over or dead so quickly? Is it because they really believe it to be so or is it because they think that it might one day be so and they want to have been the first to have predicted its demise?

R.I.P.

Over the last couple of years, I recall hearing of a few other deaths; among them were email, blogs and the telephone. Strangely, I continue to use them all. Of course, how I use all of the tools and platforms has evolved over time, but they are all still relevant and important. Enough of the useless pronouncements that something is over; I’m over it. I prefer to remain focused on continuing to leverage the right tools in the right away, given our own objectives and resources.

Worry Not

To those not yet on Google+ who may be wondering if it is going to replace whatever you’re currently doing, don’t worry. As long as you continue to share valuable and helpful content and are always willing to keep an open mind about new tools and best practices, you’ll do just fine. Google+ is brand spanking new and has just begun to develop.

If you enjoyed this post, sign up to receive free updates by email here to be sure you don’t miss any future Almost Savvy news. You are also invited to connect with others interested in social media on the friendly folks on the Almost Savvy page on Facebook where we share news and tips.

Related articles which may interest you:

• LinkedIn Adds 3 Fun Ways to Remember Your Connections
• Social Media Refresh Tip #2: Export Your Friends’ Contact Info
• Connecting Twitter to LinkedIn: Just Say No
• Facebook Tip: How To Choose Who Can See Your Friends
• New Tool Makes My Email Work Harder and Smarter

The secret to networking is to actually stay in touch with many of your connections. If we don’t occasionally connect, those connections might as well be a stack of business cards gathering dust in a dark corner of our office. Out of sight, out of mind. There are many reasons to stay in touch, but here’s a big one – People tend to remember people who remember them. Networking isn’t about us; it’s about them and anything that helps remind us of who we know or how we know them is a good thing. If it’s fun, even better. Enter three new applications which do just that.

DropIn

Oh, how I was addicted to playing Tetris. I tried to keep up with the increasingly fast pace at which those shapes dropped, hoping to fit them into the puzzle. How would you like to play Tetris with the faces of your LinkedIn connections? My only challenge with DropIn was deciding whether to focus on the game or wondering why I hadn’t talk with George in so long as I tried to maneuver his face into just the right spot. I’ll have to send him a note – right after I finish this game.

Year In Review

Which of your friends started a new job last year? It turns out 257 of my LinkedIn connections started a new position in 2010. That’s exciting. I would certainly have missed this information otherwise. After being shown the faces of those with a new gig, it would be great to send them a note offering congratulations or asking how they’re enjoying the new job. What an easy way to let them know you’re thinking of them!

Connection Timeline

The idea behind this application is cool, but it didn’t seem to work well for me. It displays your career as a dynamic timeline and highlights which of your connections you worked with at various points in your career. My timeline only displayed positions through 2007.

Have you used any of these new applications? Let me know what you think and which seems most useful to you in the comments below.

Image courtesy of luvi.

If you enjoyed this post, sign up to receive free updates by email here to be sure you don’t miss any future Almost Savvy news. You are also invited to connect with others interested in social media on the friendly folks on the Almost Savvy page on Facebook where we share news and tips.

Related articles which may interest you:

• Disconnected in a Hyper-Connected World
• Social Networking Friends vs. Real Life Friends
• Social Media Refresh Tip #2: Export Your Friends’ Contact Info
• Connecting Twitter to LinkedIn: Just Say No
• New Tool Makes My Email Work Harder and Smarter

I’m kind of picky

I currently have about 600 Facebook friends, which is probably too many for me. I think I was much looser in accepting friend requests early on than I am now. Part of this is due to my own learning curve and part due the evolution of my own idea of how I choose to use Facebook. This isn’t because I’m posting scandalous content that I don’t want people to see or that I’m having controversial conversations I’m afraid will rub people the wrong way. Anyone who knows me knows that I am incredibly dull and really don’t have much to hide. For me, it’s really a matter of where and how I want to have particular conversations and connections.

Not really a person

Have you seen Facebook profiles for organizations or businesses? They really should have set up a Facebook page, not a profile. Most of the time, the mistake is usually made due to a misunderstanding of the difference between pages and profiles. Still, there are many businesses which have done this intentionally as it allows them to directly contact their friends – something which can’t be done as easily from a Facebook page. I don’t accept friend requests from businesses, period.

No note

Do I know this person well? If not, it would be really nice to receive a note along with that friend request. This helps me to know (or remember) who the person is, how they know me and why they’d like to connect. Even if we have friends in common, if I don’t know you, if you are still new to me.

Friends in common

Speaking of friends in common, yes, I do often look to see if we have have some of the same friends. What’s more important than how many friends we have in common, is which friends we share. I know which of my friends are relatively selective about who they connect with online and which tend to connect with everyone on the planet. If our common friends are those planetary connectors, I’m less likely to accept a friend request.

Unwarranted compliments

Facebook friend requests that arrive with gushing compliments about how cute or sexy I look have zero chance of being accepted. Seriously, no one I know would actually say this to me (especially in a friend request). While these compliments tend to play to one’s vanity, I know full well that they are coming from spammers. (On a side note: It amazes me how many people are actually accepting these friend requests and giving spammers access to their accounts.)

Almost Savvy page on Facebook

The place where I most love to connect with people on Facebook is on the Almost Savvy page. For those who’ve come to know me through my blog, twitter, or at a speaking engagement, this is the best place to continue the conversation. The community on the Almost Savvy page is extremely friendly and helpful. It’s the best place to post any social media questions you have or share any tips. Like Twitter, the barrier to connection is virtually nonexistent. Anyone can join and participate. In fact, if you are reading this and and haven’t yet joined the page, why not do so right now by going here and clicking the Like button at the top of the page?

So there you have it in all its unscientific glory. Not exactly rules, more like general guidelines. How does this stack up against your own criteria when accepting friend requests?

If you enjoyed this post, sign up to receive free updates by email here to be sure you don’t miss any future Almost Savvy news. You are also invited to connect with others interested in social media on the friendly folks on the Almost Savvy page on Facebook where we share news and tips.

Related articles which may interest you:

• The ROI of Respect, Listening and Hugs
• Twitter Etiquette: Outside Voices, Inside Voices and Whispers
• How Facebook Hurt My Feelings
• Just Because We’re Social Networking “Friends” Doesn’t Mean I’ll Go To 3rd Base With You
• Social Networking Friends vs. Real Life Friends

1. How you can get valuable feedback on the photo you’ve chosen for your profile As my friend, Hjortur Smarason says, we should think of this photo as our own personal logo.
2. How you can support others by offering helpful feedback.
3. Why doing #1 and #2 above would be helpful to me personally.
4. Why this post is so short and the video isn’t edited at all.

Click here if you aren’t able to view the video above.

As mentioned in the video:

• If you missed it earlier, read the tips here: 8 Tips: How to Select the Right Profile Photos
• Post your photo and share feedback on others’ photos here: Almost Savvy Page on Facebook

I look forward to seeing your photos and feedback!

If you enjoyed this post, sign up to receive free updates by email here to be sure you don’t miss any future AlmostSavvy news. You are also invited to connect with others interested in social media on the friendly folks on the Almost Savvy page on Facebook where we share news and tips.

Related articles which may interest you:

• Top 5 Signs Your Business Should Not Be Using Social Media
• The #1 Reason You’ll Want to Use Google+
• 3 Mistakes You’re Making Online
• 8 Tips: How To Choose the Right Profile Photo
• It’s All About.Me (Your Identity Online – Simplified)

If you grew up with a mother anything like mine, many of your childhood memories include being shushed and reminded to use your inside voice. We had three voices, but the one we heard the most about was our inside voice. Heaven forbid we might say something too loudly and the neighbors would hear! Little did I know these voices would come in handy when thinking about Twitter.

I had a recent conversation with Laura, someone I’d just followed on Twitter, about the practice of sending DMs (direct messages) to new followers. Laura clearly disagreed with my perspective that this practice is often seen as rude. She felt it was rude not to acknowledge new followers. In fact, she felt that I was rude in not replying to her DM and she unfollowed me. I chuckled when I saw that because I unfollow those who similarly send DMs to new followers, but, for some reason, I had taken a look at Laura’s account and decided not to unfollow her. She seemed authentic to me. One of the things I appreciate about Laura, despite her having concluded that I was rude, is that she was still willing to ask about my rationale and share her perspective. I appreciate an open conversation with someone with a different point of view any day.

Following our discussion, I racked my brain for a better way to explain the differences I saw between using public tweets and private DMs and I thought of the voices. I grew up understanding my three voices – the outside voice, the inside voice and the whisper. Like public and private messages, each voice is important: it’s all a matter of understanding the best time and place.

Your Outside Voice on Twitter

This is the voice you’re using when you send many of your tweets, what you’re broadcasting to everyone following you. This is what you would like everyone in the neighborhood to hear, even those people who just moved in down the street that you haven’t even had a chance to meet yet.

Good uses of your outside voice:

- Sharing helpful or interesting information about news, events, tips, etc.

Bad uses of your outside voice:

- Repeatedly tweeting self-promotional information

- Constant republishing of others’ content (RSS feeds, quotes, etc.)

Your Inside Voice on Twitter

This is your conversational voice for when you’re engaging with others. On Twitter, these are the @ replies used to contact others directly. Your inside voice on Twitter is not private, though. This is a conversation you’re having in the front yard of your house (OK, not technically inside, but work with me here). You’re talking with someone directly, but anyone from the neighborhood is welcome to come by to listen and even join the conversation. It’s good to have a mix of using your outside voice to get to know new people and using your inside voice to connect one-on-one.

Good uses of your inside voice:

- Commenting on content posted by someone else

- Joining a conversation in progress by adding relevant information or commentary

- Introducing yourself  or striking up a conversation with someone you’d like to get to know

Bad uses of your inside voice:

- Replying to someone based on a keyword search (i.e., they mention iPad and you reply “@user Like iPads, buy one at http://spamipadlink.com”)

Whispering on Twitter

This is the voice you use when you don’t want anyone else to hear you. It is intimate. This conversation does not take place on the front lawn where others can walk over and join us. When you send me a DM, you’re saying, “Psst, let’s step into your house so I can tell you something private.” To me, whispering is not something I have a need or desire to do with someone I don’t yet know. You may be fabulous, but until we have some sort of connection, there is no need to whisper.

This is the voice you are using when sending a Twitter DM, which is private. DMs are only visible to the sender and the recipient. While it is possible for me to see/hear what you are saying with your outside and inside voices on Twitter, you cannot contact me by DM until I follow your account. As a practical matter, most Twitter users have their accounts configuring so that all DMs are immediately forwarded to them via text message or email. Having the ability to send me a DM (and therefore an email) is similar to having the ability to tell me to step into my house so you can whisper; it is a privilege, not a right. Barge into my house uninvited and I won’t allow you in again. Send me a DM prematurely and I’ll unfollow to prevent a reoccurrence.

Good uses of whispering:

- Friends who want to chat or vent off the record

- Friends making plans who don’t want to broadcast all the details

- Customer service departments asking that you DM your contact information to allow their staff to follow-up with you

Bad uses of whispering:

- Messages from someone I don’t yet know, immediately after following their account (whether automated or not, and whether promotional or not)

- Requests for RTs (retweets) for promotional purposes

It is important to note that these are my guidelines, my preferences and, to some extent, my rules. Despite what my mother believes, I do not rule the internet. While I know there are those who will agree, there are many who won’t and this is perfectly fine. As I often write, the beauty of social media is that it is up to each of us to create the type of presence we’d like to have online and to find and connect with those who use the tools in a way which aligns with our own preferences. Especially on Twitter, we have the opportunity to try people on for size to see how well they fit for us. It is important, though, to stay in touch with what our what works best for our audience wants, lest they return us too quickly.

If you’d like to try me on for size, I invite you to follow me on Twitter. I look forward to getting to know you and promise not to inappropriately or prematurely whisper. If I’m not a good fit, you can always return me.

Have your say: What would you add to the list of best or worst uses for the outside or inside voice, or whispers on Twitter?

If you enjoyed this post, sign up to receive free updates by email here to be sure you don’t miss any future Almost Savvy news. You are also invited to connect with others interested in social media on the friendly folks on the Almost Savvy page on Facebook where we share news and tips.

Related articles which may interest you:

• Happy Holidays! Please Enjoy This Spam
• Top 5 Signs Your Business Should Not Be Using Social Media
• The ROI of Respect, Listening and Hugs
• How To Manage Your Online Reputation By Using Google Alerts
• Facebook Friend Requests: Accept or Ignore?

I know a lot of people, more than I’ve ever known at any other time in my life.  I spend much of my day connecting with them in one way or another. We connect on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, email, IM chat and (surprise, surprise) sometimes we even talk on the telephone. When I say we’re “connecting”, I mean we’re sharing interesting and relevant information, conducting business, and having a bit of fun, too. Just to be clear, none of my time online is spent playing Farmville or Mafia Wars. Because the focus of my work revolves around social media, it isn’t surprising that most of it is done while sitting in front of a computer. When my work does take me away from the computer, it’s usually to speak to a group interested in learning how to use technology to more effectively connect with others.

I found myself thinking about people I missed. Why hadn’t we talked? What was getting in the way? I don’t think technology is the reason I was feeling disconnected from them. It’s too easy to blame computers or the internet.  It couldn’t possibly have been my fault, could it?

Being busy was the reason, or rather feeling busy, and technology is certainly is a major contributor to that sensation. With the always-on connection to our work, news, games and shopping, there is always more to be done. The being/feeling busy wasn’t only happening on my end. I was hearing, “We should definitely plan a time to talk soon, but I’m not available for the next six weeks.” from my friends. Who was in charge of our schedules? How had we (how had I) surrendered our ability to prioritize?

Disconnected. I finally knew what to call it, now what to do about it? While enjoyable in a self-serving, short-term sort of way, pouting and moping just aren’t my style. Don’t have time to drive across town to get together? Live across the country? No problem, I’m going to fix that.

The email I sent telling friends how much I missed them and inviting them to a coffee date via Skype video chat was met with mixed reactions. Since this was something new for me, leveraging technology to fix the problem I had allowed it to help create, I started small and sent the email to a small number of friends. To make it even easier, I included the link to my Tungle account, allowing them to view my calendar and select a convenient time. If they wanted to accept my invitation, there was nothing standing in their way. If they weren’t comfortable with Skype, using the phone was certainly an option.

The not-so-scientific results (so far):

• 4 friends said: “That’s just too weird, Irene. We should just meet in person.”  To be fair, none of these people spend nearly the amount of time online that I do, so I understand their reaction. (Of those, I got together with two – a definite win! Sadly, I don’t really expect to see the others any time soon – they’re busy.)
• 4 friends signed themselves up right away (I’ve already had virtual coffee dates with three of them. All fantastic!)
• 2 friends said they plan to book a time soon. (Of those, I expect one will actually follow through.)
• There are several people I’ve yet to hear from. I know that a few of them have massively busy mailboxes. The rest of them? Maybe a coffee date with me doesn’t sound that exciting?

I am so glad that I did this and appreciate that some of my friends were willing to go along with “whatever crazy thing Irene is up to now.” I was able to catch up virtually with an old friend from high school who now has a beautiful family and a fascinating career, a dear friend I met while traveling in Europe in my early 20s (and whom I may have tried to encourage to break a few rules while in East Berlin) who is now doing great things working for the U.S. government in Washington D.C., one of my role models when it comes to community management and a wonderfully supportive friend now working for Google, one of my favorite people since meeting when our kids were in kindergarten together and a smart, politically savvy friend with whom I’ve already got plans to meet up again.

If I call these conversations “real” does that make the online connections any less real? I don’t think so, yet they are different – and important. There was no talk of business, no agenda other than setting aside the time to reconnect and catch-up. I’ve got to say that the video chats were no less warm or genuine than the in-person coffee dates. The only downside – no hugs.

I am going to make a point to set aside time to reconnect with others more frequently. Having the opportunity to look into someone’s eyes and tell them that you care and have been thinking about them (and get the same support and warmth in return) is not something to be left for a day when I’m not busy.

If you enjoyed this post, sign up to receive free updates by email here to be sure you don’t miss any future Almost Savvy news. You are also invited to connect with others interested in social media on the friendly folks on the Almost Savvy page on Facebook where we share news and tips.

Related articles which may interest you:

• LinkedIn Adds 3 Fun Ways to Remember Your Connections
• Social Networking Friends vs. Real Life Friends
• Top 5 Signs Your Business Should Not Be Using Social Media
• How-to: View and Organize Fan Pages on Facebook
• Coming Soon: An Interview with YOU!

Would you like to have access to the email addresses of your friends and connections outside of Facebook and LinkedIn? Would you like to add them to your own contact list in Outlook, Gmail, Yahoo or wherever else you stash this information? If so, you’re going to be very happy because you’re about to find out how to do just that.

Why Bother?

If you’re wondering why you’d want to bother going through the hassle of getting this information out of Facebook and LinkedIn, consider the following:

Downtime – All websites, including Facebook and LinkedIn, go down from time to time. During these times, you will not have access to this information.

Access Denied – There are many instances of people getting locked out of their accounts for a variety of reasons. Many ended up regaining access, but how frustrating it would be to lose all of that information!

Limited Email Options – What if you’d like to send an email to several people, including some of your Facebook friends and some of your LinkedIn connections? The options are very limited if you aren’t able to use your own favorite email program

Convinced yet that it might be a good thing to take control of your information? Great, let’s get started…

LinkedIn

Fortunately, LinkedIn allows contact information for your connections to be exported directly from the site. I recommend doing this on a regular basis, depending on how frequently you usually add new connections. All of the how-to information about exporting your LinkedIn connections can be found here.

Facebook

Unfortunately, Facebook does not provide a similar feature allowing for a simple way of exporting your friends’ email addresses. It is possible, though, if you take the following steps:

You’ll need a Yahoo email account. If you don’t already have one, it is very easy to set up one up.

1. Log into your Yahoo email account and go to this page, where you will see this image (or something very similar):
2. 
3. Click on the Facebook logo. When asked to authorize the connection between Yahoo and Facebook, click ‘Okay’
4. 
5. Watch in amazement as Yahoo goes to work, busily importing all of the email addresses from your Facebook friends.
6. When the process is complete, Yahoo will tell you how many new contacts were imported. Chances are this will not be equal to the number of friends you have on Facebook. Don’t worry; there’s no need to panic. It is very likely that not all of your friends have included an email address on their Facebook profile.
7. From here, you will be able to export the list from Yahoo and then import it into any other email program.
8. Rejoice. Do a little happy dance. You now have your friends’ email addresses tucked away in a safe place.

If you enjoyed this post, sign up to receive free updates by email here to be sure you don’t miss any future AlmostSavvy news. You are also invited to connect with others interested in social media on the friendly folks on the AlmostSavvy page on Facebook where we share news and tips.

Related articles which may interest you:

• New Tool Makes My Email Work Harder and Smarter
• LinkedIn Adds 3 Fun Ways to Remember Your Connections
• Social Networking Friends vs. Real Life Friends
• Why I’m Over Declaring Tech Tools “Over”
• Disconnected in a Hyper-Connected World

How this happened really isn’t as interesting as the fact that it happened at all and what I realized about myself as a result.

I am fairly particular about who I connect with on Facebook. I don’t accept all friend requests, though I’m connected with a wide variety of people. They range from people I’ve known for years to family members to business contacts to a few I don’t even remember how we met.

Strategies for using Facebook run the gamut from closely manage to wide open. Many people connect only with close friends and family, while others connect with every warm blooded mammal able to click to send a friend request. I encourage everyone to set the parameters which work best for them. This is the reason I didn’t take it personally when a very well known tech blogger declined my Facebook friend request. Never mind that he’s warmly greeted me each time we’ve seen each other; it is still his choice and I respect that.

This respect for people using Facebook as they choose was put to the test recently.

I was surprised one day to find that my access to a friend’s Facebook profile was suddenly limited, meaning that I could not view her wall. Facebook users know that this is where the magic happens – all the news, gossip, updates and conversation. Why would she have blocked me? Had I done something to offend her? While we had only known each other for a couple of years, I thought we were friends. Was I wrong? And, why the change of heart? We used to communicate on Facebook. She commented on what I was doing; I did likewise on her updates. If there were relationship red flags, I had completely missed them.

Her tech-savviness is light-years beyond my own. She carefully manages her social sharing and connections. I knew chances of her having changed this accidentally ranged from zero to nil. If this had been someone who isn’t as diligent about managing their online profiles, I might have assumed they had made a mistake.

My mind was reeling – and that surprised me. I tried to figure out what exactly about this hurt me. Did I really care if I had been shut-out on Facebook? Was my self-esteem that fragile? It didn’t take but a moment to figure out that this wasn’t about Facebook at all, it was coming to terms with the fact that I was wrong about our friendship. Up front rejection is one thing, but having someone change their mind about you after you’ve been friends for awhile is something else altogether. Apparently, yes, my self-esteem is indeed that fragile.

Once it dawned on me that this isn’t high school (after about 2 minutes of wallowing in self-pity), I sent my friend a note asking if I had done anything to offend her and, if so, I apologized. I also made sure to say that I supported her decision to include or exclude anyone from any of her online content – a very genuine statement, even if I don’t happen to personally like the result.

In the end, it turned out that somehow Facebook had totally screwed up her privacy settings and a bunch of her friends now had limited access. I was just the first one to notice it, so she had no idea.

Still, it shocked me to see how a little check-box deep in the Facebook privacy settings led to my own feelings of self-doubt and rejection.  Two things occurred to me: 1. I appreciate my friends and kind of want them to stick around, and 2. If I own-up to being hurt (albeit temporarily) by this, I’m going to look like a wimp. (As you can see, #2 isn’t of much importance to me.)

As the lines between virtual connections and real-world connections become increasingly blurred, it isn’t simply technology and protocol we need to consider. We need to remember that there are real people on the other end of every decision we make. We should always feel comfortable setting our own parameters as long as we consider and are willing to be accountable for how those decisions feel to others.

P.S. – Please check your Facebook privacy settings every now and then just to be sure everything is in proper order.

Image courtesy of chefranden

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• “I’ve heard that all businesses should have a Facebook page. Should I get one?”
• “Should I just call the HR Manager to say I’d like the job?”
• “I need to get more leads. Should I get a LinkedIn account so this will happen?”

It seems everyone wants the sure-fire and easy answer. People, it’s just not that simple. Success isn’t that simple. Life isn’t that simple. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but getting ahead takes work. Hell, just getting noticed takes work.

Sure, you are fabulous; no one is disputing this. We all are. But, no one will know this if we don’t work our tails off to make it dead easy for people to see hard evidence of the valuable assets we are. Just because we proclaim ourselves to be fabulous on our resume or on our website doesn’t make it so. What good does it do to work hard to become fabulous, only to stop there? What an enormous missed opportunity it would be to become something special, only to hover just below the radar, remaining a well-kept secret?

It’s a big world out there. That big world is full of people who, at least on paper, are equally fabulous. The challenge is figuring out how to stand out amidst all the others. And here’s the bad news: this takes work, lots and lots of work. And the news gets worse; what worked for the person next to you may not be exactly what will work best for you. There are no cookie-cutter approaches, so stop asking what you “should” do and start learning as much as you can so that you can determine what will work best for you.

Figuring this all out is hard. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. Herein lies the good news: everyone isn’t doing it. If you are willing to put in the time to develop a plan and learn how best to use the tools available to tell your story, you’re already ahead of the game.

Instead of looking for that one thing that you “should” do, you may want to take a step back and begin by asking yourself a few hard questions, such as:

What have I accomplished?

This is not a list of tasks or duties. This is a story of what you’ve learned, along with the value and results you’ve been able to deliver.

What makes me special?

On paper, you may have held the same job as  or received the same degree as the person next to you, but the two of you are as different as night and day. What is it about your style, thinking process or voice which sets you apart?

How do the two items above make me uniquely prepared to deliver?

Whether you’re trying to get business or a job, it is critical to define how and why you are the solution to the problem your audience may not even know that they have.

Am I prepared to prove it?

Rather than just telling someone how talented you are, how can you creatively prove it in a way that is easily accessible to them? Here, the internet is your friend. Have you taken the time to understand social media and social networking tools which can be a huge asset in this area?

Am I connected?

Relationships are critical to business success. Have you virtually connected with your real-world connections? Are you actively working to build new relationships with key influencers in your field of interest?

So, stop looking for someone else to supply the answer and start looking to create your own opportunities. If you thought this could happen from the passenger seat, you’re wrong. Slide on over to the driver’s seat, grab the steering wheel and take control. Don’t worry, you don’t have to hit the gas right away. There are many excellent resources around to help you learn – if you’re committed to doing the work.

Image courtesy of elfon.

If you enjoyed this post, sign up to receive free updates by email here to be sure you don’t miss any future AlmostSavvy news.

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